defeminized (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
defeminized) wrote2011-10-29 06:43 pm
defeminized) wrote2011-10-29 06:43 pm
Entry tags:
bemu false start - Spectacle - Bemu/Nastume
Title: Spectacle
Wordcount: 1045
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst?
Pairing: Bemu/Natsume (Youkai Ningen Bemu)
Warning: Spoilers for episode of the drama Youkai Ningen Bemu
Note: I hate how this was written in 30 minutes. This was first written after the airing of episode 1, and I left it unposted until I wrote Broken Open, and was astounded by the similarities in ~theme~ for these two fics. Thus this will be the Bemu false start XD. Uncrossposted.
Summary: Bemu wants to believe, maybe just one more time.
--
He tells himself that this is not what he’s supposed to be feeling, the fluttering in his chest and the airy rush of blood to his head.
Natsume smiles at him like he’s not afraid, like he doesn’t care, like he likes what he’s seeing. He loves the smile.
He has seen his fair share of pretty smiles from humans; those shared between lovers, family members, friends, strangers. Sometimes he sees Bera and Berro and wonders if humans can see the smiles exchanged between the two of them and think about how human they are. Sometimes he looks at Natsume and wonders if he can smile back at Natsume like the way Natsume smiles at him.
He wants to, because it’s what he feels about Natsume.
--
“He’s just like everyone else,” Bera warns as she cooks. Berro’s out playing with Yui. Berro’s smiles are the most natural because Berro doesn’t care. Humans are his playmates, humans are his friends and humans like him. Berro’s lucky, he thinks. Berro wears the body of a human child and acts like one.
Bemu knows that Bera wants to believe too, deep down.
“He will see our real faces soon and he will react just like everyone else did.”
Maybe Bera doesn’t believe, not now, because Bera wants to believes the most, at least some time in the future. If she acts like she doesn’t believe, it will be easier for her to believe eventually.
“Don’t believe him,” she says.
Bemu wants to believe, maybe just one more time.
--
He used to lie on the stone cold bed at night and think of the disdainful cries of the humans when they finally saw his true form. They yelled for him to leave, to go away, and to stop existing. He always felt the sinews around his heart tightening slightly when he thought about how he must have betrayed them by showing them that face of his. He didn’t want to, he didn’t mean to – but he couldn’t help it.
It was better that they cried so pitifully. It was better that they stopped smiling at him. At least he knew that his existence was a betrayal to humans, which was the last thing he wanted to do.
Now he lies on the same stone cold bed at night and thinks of Natsume. His smiles, his touches, the awkward questions, the way he always appears in front of him when he needs him the most, and the way he doesn’t mind those teardrops falling down his face. He thinks of the warm tingles on his skin as their hands touch and thinks about how much he has wanted to ask him if he, too, think of his existence as a form of betrayal.
He thinks of the way Natsume looks at him like he genuinely wants to know him.
He wants to know what it is like to believe in a human who doesn’t want him to leave.
--
“You can tell me anything,” Natsume says, fingers scratching his head bashfully. “I mean, I really hope you do.”
Bemu can’t choose what to say in response to that. Should he tell him that he’s happy but he doesn’t know how to tell him? Should he tell him to leave him alone?
“I won’t push you away, I promise.” Natsume rips the melon bread he’s eating and hands one half over to him. “Here, have some. It’s delicious.”
Once again, a single teardrop escapes his eyes.
--
Berro believes. It’s easy when he is blessed with the company of human children, who all believe.
Bera doesn’t believe. Human men can be quite nasty, at least that’s what he has seen over the last few centuries.
Bemu doesn’t know where he stands. The uneaten half portion of the melon bread stares at him from his palm.
--
Yui-chan tells him what he wants to believe about Natsume. “My dad likes you, Bemu-san!”
He pulls Yui-chan’s swing and pushes her towards the sky.
“I’m flying, Berro!!”
Berro challenges her from the other swing. “I am going to fly higher! Just watch me!”
Bemu believes in Yui-chan. Maybe he should believe in Natsume too.
--
He stares at the pink sunset sky and thinks about the promises Natsume made to him.
“We are friends, Bemu-san,” he said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Forever.”
There’s a difference between Natsume’s forever and his, and it’s in the time limit they were granted with. Humans have time only until they die of sickness or old age, while Bemu doesn’t get sick or age. They will never be the same, he and Natsume.
Maybe just this reason alone, the way he’s not the same, is why he’s a betrayal to all the humans.
Natsume appears by Bemu’s side and tugs at his sleeves.
“I brought you sake,” he says. “Let’s drink!”
He makes Bemu hold a tiny cup and raise his hand towards the sky.
“To us!”
Bemu doesn’t echo the toast. He doesn’t even feel like drinking the cup of sake. Natsume drinks on his behalf because he assumes that Bemu’s bad with alcohol.
“It’s the same anyway, just as long as we toast together.”
--
They are leaving now, to another place, another time, another set of humans. To another betrayal in the making.
“Just after we saved them too,” Bera complains. “Humans are such incorrigible morons.”
Bemu looks at the top of the building where Natsume’s crying and cuddling his daughter.
His hands are trying not to crack from every slice into his heart, with every memory of Natsume’s mournful cries. He didn’t ask him to leave; he only asked him not to go near him and for some reason, it was the saddest thing any human has ever said to him.
For yet another time, he thinks about how much he has betrayed them, the humans who were ready to believe in him. He doesn’t want to, he doesn’t mean to, but he just does.
He looks at Bera and Berro in turns, thinking about how both of them need him. Berro, who believes, and Bera, who’s looking for ways to believe.
Even if he is going to betray all the humans in the world, he’s not leaving them.
“Let’s go.”
--
Wordcount: 1045
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst?
Pairing: Bemu/Natsume (Youkai Ningen Bemu)
Warning: Spoilers for episode of the drama Youkai Ningen Bemu
Note: I hate how this was written in 30 minutes. This was first written after the airing of episode 1, and I left it unposted until I wrote Broken Open, and was astounded by the similarities in ~theme~ for these two fics. Thus this will be the Bemu false start XD. Uncrossposted.
Summary: Bemu wants to believe, maybe just one more time.
--
He tells himself that this is not what he’s supposed to be feeling, the fluttering in his chest and the airy rush of blood to his head.
Natsume smiles at him like he’s not afraid, like he doesn’t care, like he likes what he’s seeing. He loves the smile.
He has seen his fair share of pretty smiles from humans; those shared between lovers, family members, friends, strangers. Sometimes he sees Bera and Berro and wonders if humans can see the smiles exchanged between the two of them and think about how human they are. Sometimes he looks at Natsume and wonders if he can smile back at Natsume like the way Natsume smiles at him.
He wants to, because it’s what he feels about Natsume.
--
“He’s just like everyone else,” Bera warns as she cooks. Berro’s out playing with Yui. Berro’s smiles are the most natural because Berro doesn’t care. Humans are his playmates, humans are his friends and humans like him. Berro’s lucky, he thinks. Berro wears the body of a human child and acts like one.
Bemu knows that Bera wants to believe too, deep down.
“He will see our real faces soon and he will react just like everyone else did.”
Maybe Bera doesn’t believe, not now, because Bera wants to believes the most, at least some time in the future. If she acts like she doesn’t believe, it will be easier for her to believe eventually.
“Don’t believe him,” she says.
Bemu wants to believe, maybe just one more time.
--
He used to lie on the stone cold bed at night and think of the disdainful cries of the humans when they finally saw his true form. They yelled for him to leave, to go away, and to stop existing. He always felt the sinews around his heart tightening slightly when he thought about how he must have betrayed them by showing them that face of his. He didn’t want to, he didn’t mean to – but he couldn’t help it.
It was better that they cried so pitifully. It was better that they stopped smiling at him. At least he knew that his existence was a betrayal to humans, which was the last thing he wanted to do.
Now he lies on the same stone cold bed at night and thinks of Natsume. His smiles, his touches, the awkward questions, the way he always appears in front of him when he needs him the most, and the way he doesn’t mind those teardrops falling down his face. He thinks of the warm tingles on his skin as their hands touch and thinks about how much he has wanted to ask him if he, too, think of his existence as a form of betrayal.
He thinks of the way Natsume looks at him like he genuinely wants to know him.
He wants to know what it is like to believe in a human who doesn’t want him to leave.
--
“You can tell me anything,” Natsume says, fingers scratching his head bashfully. “I mean, I really hope you do.”
Bemu can’t choose what to say in response to that. Should he tell him that he’s happy but he doesn’t know how to tell him? Should he tell him to leave him alone?
“I won’t push you away, I promise.” Natsume rips the melon bread he’s eating and hands one half over to him. “Here, have some. It’s delicious.”
Once again, a single teardrop escapes his eyes.
--
Berro believes. It’s easy when he is blessed with the company of human children, who all believe.
Bera doesn’t believe. Human men can be quite nasty, at least that’s what he has seen over the last few centuries.
Bemu doesn’t know where he stands. The uneaten half portion of the melon bread stares at him from his palm.
--
Yui-chan tells him what he wants to believe about Natsume. “My dad likes you, Bemu-san!”
He pulls Yui-chan’s swing and pushes her towards the sky.
“I’m flying, Berro!!”
Berro challenges her from the other swing. “I am going to fly higher! Just watch me!”
Bemu believes in Yui-chan. Maybe he should believe in Natsume too.
--
He stares at the pink sunset sky and thinks about the promises Natsume made to him.
“We are friends, Bemu-san,” he said, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Forever.”
There’s a difference between Natsume’s forever and his, and it’s in the time limit they were granted with. Humans have time only until they die of sickness or old age, while Bemu doesn’t get sick or age. They will never be the same, he and Natsume.
Maybe just this reason alone, the way he’s not the same, is why he’s a betrayal to all the humans.
Natsume appears by Bemu’s side and tugs at his sleeves.
“I brought you sake,” he says. “Let’s drink!”
He makes Bemu hold a tiny cup and raise his hand towards the sky.
“To us!”
Bemu doesn’t echo the toast. He doesn’t even feel like drinking the cup of sake. Natsume drinks on his behalf because he assumes that Bemu’s bad with alcohol.
“It’s the same anyway, just as long as we toast together.”
--
They are leaving now, to another place, another time, another set of humans. To another betrayal in the making.
“Just after we saved them too,” Bera complains. “Humans are such incorrigible morons.”
Bemu looks at the top of the building where Natsume’s crying and cuddling his daughter.
His hands are trying not to crack from every slice into his heart, with every memory of Natsume’s mournful cries. He didn’t ask him to leave; he only asked him not to go near him and for some reason, it was the saddest thing any human has ever said to him.
For yet another time, he thinks about how much he has betrayed them, the humans who were ready to believe in him. He doesn’t want to, he doesn’t mean to, but he just does.
He looks at Bera and Berro in turns, thinking about how both of them need him. Berro, who believes, and Bera, who’s looking for ways to believe.
Even if he is going to betray all the humans in the world, he’s not leaving them.
“Let’s go.”
--
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
and bemu's always angsty T___T
no subject
Though I'm actually lying, don't agree with you anyway, but you can't see this since it's crossedno subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
heartbreaking ;___;~
His thought he is the betrayer, not the one who's been betrayed is more sad...
but it's beautiful he's not alone, ne... ;_;//
no subject
no subject
This is so much sadder than the other though. But they are both as good <3
no subject
no subject
no subject
This is the way Bem/Natsume (angsting) should be written ♥ ;o;
no subject
YOU SHOULD WRITE MORE ANGST TOO
no subject
I WILL