defeminized (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
defeminized) wrote2010-06-30 01:52 am
defeminized) wrote2010-06-30 01:52 am
[Fic] Acquiescence
Title: Acquiescence
Pairing: Kame/Jin, Jin/Kame
Type: NC17, Angst, One-shot
Warning: Not a very happy fic and .. is rather violent.
Wordcount: 5858
Summary: Kazuya and Jin could be collectively described as a star - when it burns too brightly, it might just be a sign of impending destruction.
___
Jin thought that being with Kazuya during those moments was like smelling the cup of hot coffee in the morning - fresh, stimulating, and always inspiring.
When they were fortunate enough to get two days off, Jin suggested that they go to Hokkaido for a drive, but Kazuya insisted that they head off to Okinawa. Jin thought that it was rather odd for Kazuya to insist on Okinawa considering that the Hokkaido food and weather were always Kazuya's favourite (he never explained why, much to Jin's puzzlement).
"I feel like going to the sea" was not good enough as an explanation, Jin tried to retort half-heartedly. He had no objections going to the sea; he just wanted to know if Kazuya's suggestion was actually a better idea than his.
Kazuya shrugged, as though deaf to Jin's repeated nudging and "Kazu-chan, tell me!", while his eyes stern and firm. Jin knew it was pointless to argue with him, even though he could tell that Kazuya would usually give in to his stubborn antiques - but not before they make heated exchanges that usually ended up with them marching away from each other and one of them calling the other some time after to make up and give in. Other than that, he just felt as though he wanted to obey him for that moment.
Like he did when Kazuya insisted on eating French during dinner the day before, or the time when Kazuya silently insisted on eating streetside ramen as opposed to Jin wanting to eat sushi a week ago, or the time when he pointed to the new Belgian chocolate in the convenience store near Jin's parent's house and Jin offering to buy him some. Usually Jin denies fervently whenever anybody commented on Kazuya's diva-like attitude, but there were moments when he couldn't help questioning his role in creating that reputation for him.
Nevertheless, going to the sea was unquestionably fun, even Jin couldn't bring himself to deny it.
"This is so beautiful!!!" he gushed his hearts out as they spread their limbs liberally against the roaring waves and recurring tides of the Okinawan beach.
He could hear Kazuya's tiny laughter of satisfaction. "Right? It's been some time since we came here."
"I feel like making more trips here, now that you put it this way."
"Don't be silly, we might not have time for that for a year at least." Kazuya stated as-a-matter-of-factly.
Jin sighed. "Ah, you're such a spoilsport. It's Gokusen we are filming, shouldn't we be more optimistic?"
"I wasn't being pessimistic, what are you talking about?" Kazuya turned his head to look at him, the exact moment that he turned to look at him too.
"But weren't you saying.."
"Not that way," he immediately answered, like he knew just what Jin was going to ask. "I just wanted to have something to look forward to after we make it."
"So you want to make Okinawa something you look forward to?"
Kazuya's eyes returned to the sky. "Since some time ago, actually."
Jin thought that Kazuya had always been peculiar about treating things that are precious to him - the current Okinawan sky and the ebbs and flows of the sea were no different. He was the type of people who doesn't like to have his desires within his grasp, and instead would go to ridiculous lengths to make sure it's distant enough to seem like he achieved it instead of "possessing" it from the get-go.
"What about the girl whom you were dating the other day?"
"Minami?"
"Whatever her name is. Her boobs aren't huge enough to have me remember her."
His answer was apparently funny; Kazuya's chuckle suggested that he, too, found Minami's assets rather inadequate in size.
"It was nothing but a date, Jin. I'll ditch any girl for this sea, honestly."
Jin was about to tease him a little bit more ("What kind of guy prefers working his ass off over scoring a girl?") but the darkening scarlet hues of the twilight sky caught his focus.
For the brief moment, none of them spoke.
His thoughts flashed to the twilight's counterpart, the dawn sky, as he contrasted the falling curtains of the day to the hopeful new beginning of daybreaks.
The colour that we saw, was a beautiful purple, wasn't it?
Jin's creative muses dashes out in the most random moments in his days.
___
Kazuya thought that dealing with Jin those days was like swimming in a shallow sea with fierce waves - unpredictable, sometimes thunderous, but unavoidable.
When they kissed for the first time, Jin's immediate reaction was to not react, leaving Kazuya questioning his own judgements. They were in Jin's house, both settling comfortably next to each other on the sofa, both lost themselves halfway in the high of the stolen booze stash (it was only a few months before Kazuya could legally drink), instinct overpowering logic.
"Was it.. I... Are you.." There were so many mixed emotions, Kazuya didn't know how to begin articulating his doubts. It was spontaneously natural, like their faces were pulled together by magnetic forces, like their hands were meant to touch each other that way.
Jin's eyes wavered for an instant, but they met his own pair soon after, requesting for him to erase everything he was thinking, pulled him closer to continue what they started.
It was delicate, gentle and unhurried. Clinging to each other, Kazuya let his instinct dictate the directions of his lips - Jin's lips, neck, ears, collarbones (strangely didn't earn him a sudden push) - and his feverish need for him drive the motions of his hands and fingers to run through his thick hair. His lips might be slowly exploring, but his fingers were hungrily seeking, and Jin knew it. Before long he could felt Jin's fingers rapidly entwined his own, stroking Kazuya's hands to calm him down, letting him know that he was allowed to take his time with him, completely giving him his all.
They were momentarily stopped by the buzzing vibration of Jin's phone, signaling (usually) an impromptu invitation from Yamapi to (most of the time) a party in someone's house (quite certainly someone rich and famous).
Jin was about to reach out to his phone when Kazuya held his wrists lightly. "Stay", he whispered, though it was so inaudible, he might had as well expected Jin to have some form of superpowered hearing ability.
He never knew how Jin does it, but he, in fact, could hear him. He always could, even when he made no sound.
Jin nodded, not bulging an inch. The untimely call effectively broke their kisses that night, but they were content with staring into each other's eyes and woke up in each other's arm the morning after and Kazuya frantically ran off without taking a shower due to an early audition for his next drama role, which he only knew to have something to do with him being a faux Mr Popularity.
Little did he knew - though he was grinning his teeths off the whole day - that he would have to wait for a few more years before he could experience the soft gentleness of Jin's everything, for he soon developed an invisible wall between him and Kazuya, only allowing him to reminisce what they had on that fateful night.
He would slam the door - sometimes car's - at Kazuya's face, grab his phone - script, food, whatever Kazuya was holding at that time - and threw it elsewhere, pretend he never existed, never mattered, that night never happened, and those years they spent together were merely a phase instead of a treasured memory.
Kazuya's only consolation was that Jin's targets were never him - always something, never someone. Never him.
He knew why that was. When Jin wanted to sulk, he would sulk. When he wanted to argue he would hold senseless debates. When he was not happy he would never bother denying it.
When he ceased to acknowledge a person, that was when he felt betrayed. He was heartbroken, and it saddened Kazuya deeply as he solemnly digested the fact that he had been the unwilling cause.
Kazuya would spent nights - many, many nights - wondering if it was better to have never accepted the offer to debut just slightly earlier (he might get into trouble, but he decided that no trouble was worth being treated as nothing more than a cardboard cutout), or to have never initiated that kiss. He thought it was a given thing, he thought it was for the better, he thought it would make both of them happier.
Jin didn't seem to like making him doubt less. There were times when he casually asked him for a dinner or two, completely ignoring any prior skirmish. They would be chatting about the day's works, complain about the lack of sleep and lack of good food available within walking distances around the dance studio, or maybe suggest ways to make Taguchi and Nakamaru's lives more hellish than they already were.
Nevertheless when the dinner's eaten and done and the next day comes around Jin would always revert to the Jin who doesn't know Kazuya, the Jin who hates Kazuya's guts, or just the Jin whom Kazuya never kissed.
Many years later he came to realize that whatever Jin did to show his disappointment in him during those moments were only a surface of the sea they were both helplessly drowning in.
___
Jin thought that sex with Kazuya was like walking across a cliff on a hanging bridge - if he tipped the balance of the bridge he will have to hold on tightly for his dear life, but if he steps forward carefully he would be having the best time of his life.
The most significant thing Jin remembered from the first time they did it was the pain that his body experienced.
It was rough, angst-ridden and unexpected. It was nasty, violent and indecisive. First there were shouting matches and then there were physical contacts and then their lips found each other and they ended up locking each other in those wet, needy kisses. Jin couldn't even remember the details of their aggressive exchange, except that it has something to do with him making a passing statement about Kazuya drifting away from him and Kazuya retaliated by saying how he was not in a good position either. But it somehow ended with them trying to tear each other's clothes in pieces by the time they stopped kissing to take a breather.
If Jin was any wiser he probably could have thought about pushing Kazuya away and tell him that they both need some time to chill. But his instincts got the better of him.
Instead of backing away, he pulled Kazuya back roughly, slowly travelling down to unzip his pants, then making a move to slowly consume his everything. If he could find words to describe his own feeling at that particular moment it would be "hungry". He was inexplicably starved for something that his illogical mind kept insisting that whatever he was planning to do at that time could magically fill him up right there and then.
His vision blurred soon after. His body succeeded where his eyes failed at archiving the imprints of that night's happenings, what's with being pushed against the wall, struggling to get Kazuya out of his body and dominate him. His lips never left Kazuya, there was something about him that he's taking in with him - his lips, ears, neck, body, nipple, back, hair. Many things were broken and messed up - a glass of water, the pile of magazines next to his computer, chairs, the alarm clock he placed next to his bed. It was a mistake he wished he could retract but a moment he remembered forever.
It wasn't over until they both lost every ounce of their energy, lying beside each other and looking up at the ceiling.
Jin woke up late that day, wondering where Kazuya went (he must have left when Jin fell asleep), got an earful from their manager and saw Kazuya in the same studio. He was visibly exhausted, but was also happily laughing at the staff who had just seen him doing an imitation of a renowned newscaster.
It wasn't until Koki pointed out that Kazuya was wearing a shirt which Jin wore two days ago that Jin made a mental note to check his closet when he gets home later.
He would be making a life-altering decision a few months after that night, and he wouldn't be anymore closer to him than phonecalls that were filled with ridiculously awkward pauses but he would always remind himself of the tumultuous mix of emotions that led him through that night. It would be years before they attempted to do it again, but he knew that he wanted to. All the time.
Even as he was humping a mind-blowingly hot girl with the nicest ass he had ever seen, his thoughts and body would always remember Kazuya who had violently pushed him against his table and him trying to fight against the sudden outburst of physical energy. He promised himself to never blindly experiment with sex after that.
They did it again after he returned to Japan; in fact they do it regularly after that.
Sometimes it would be fast and hasty, sometimes slow and unrestricting, sometimes obligatory and uneventful - but always meaningful. They usually do it to compensate for the time lost in between solo projects, Jin making up for being a brat and almost had a revenge sex with a foreign girl he met in a bar when he went out for a drink with Yamapi or Kazuya making up for going on a date with an older woman (and kissing her in a hotel room, but Jin didn't know if it went beyond that).
Tonight was one of those slower times. It took place in Kazuya's room and it started with Kazuya falling onto him, whispering that he's tired. They were sorting out Kazuya's pile of various notes he made to himself and the various email requests that were printed for his convenience and Jin unwillingly helped while complaining how he should have gone to sleep and not stay up worrying about a random pile of papers.
He vaguely remembered dragging him to his bed when he finally gave up and tilted his head on Jin's chest, and then Kazuya pulled Jin for a kiss out of the blue and next thing he knew was the way they went about it rather speechlessly that night. None of them spoke much, only occasional pants and heavy breathings. Jin silently insisted that he takes the lead this time, Kazuya nodded, and both only stopped when they came at the same time, deeply drowned in each other's embraces. Kazuya fell asleep almost soon after on top of Jin's chest, holding his hands to his own chest, putting a small smile to Jin's face.
There were many things that Jin likes about Kazuya, though he had to admit that he looks the most adorable as he hold Jin to sleep. He swept his long bangs aside and trace his finger around his face, wondering if things would change when he finally tell him that.
That thing he had been thinking about. A lot.
His relationship with Kazuya had been so much improved from their insecure teenage years to the safe realms of adulthood mirroring their ages. It was raw and aggressive back then as they were unsure of what to make out of their seemingly extraordinary affections for each other; which they later transformed into mutual understanding, endless support and unconditional sacrifice. They slowly understood what they meant to each other - Jin could almost always tell that Kazuya was saying "I don't care what people say, I'm the happiest with you" as he looked at him, holding his fingers tightly, in which he returned by simple gestures that said "thank you for being with me" over and over again.
Things never changed between them - they were best together, they felt the best together and they want to be best together.
Jin knew, since some few years back, that it's time for a new phase in his life.
He was pretty sure that things would never be the same after this. They were young and they made a gradual but painful transition towards adulthood, this one would be no different.
Jin had been contemplating his next moves for years. He hadn't been sure that he wanted to let go of the soothing touches of the man sleeping on top of him, but he realized that he might have been a little too late in preventing him from getting hurt anyway.
He spent the rest of the night hugging him tightly, waiting for the moment he knew that it's time to let him go, which sadly, never came.
___
Kazuya always thought that he and Jin could be collectively described as a star - when it burns too brightly, it might just be a sign of impending destruction.
It might have taken a longer duration this time around, but he couldn't help being pessimistic about Jin. The alarm went off the last time he thought he had it secured, and the alarm went off the second time, again when he thought he had it secured.
The least that Jin did was to have informed him firsthand, but it didn't make it any easier for him to accept.
He didn't even bother rehearsing his answers that he prepared for various interviews in the event moments like these should occur anytime soon (Ueda had been sending telltale signs very often lately); most of the time he wished he could just float out of everything and do nothing about it.
"Of course I'm very happy for him. He's been talking about having kids forever ever since I saw him playing with my niece right after she was born. It's great timing, great opportunity, and I believe that he will be happy forever." Smile. Look at the camera. Smile again. Wave. Give him congratulatory pats.
He felt like there was a metaphorical knife that was slicing a piece out of his heart for each and every time he was made to say that, and he predicted that before long he would be left with nothing and his body would be but a breathing zombie, a barely existing imprint of his past self.
He would be lying to himself if he insisted that he never saw it coming.
He would be lying to himself if he insisted that he believed that they would be forever.
He would be lying to himself if he pretends to be fine about that.
No matter how hard he thought about it, the fact remained that Jin's marriage announcement really shouldn't have affected him this way.
These were one of those times when he wondered if he had screwed up his own life by avoiding attachments towards anything that was not his work. Being with Jin allowed him to let his guard down while experiencing the thrill of discovering more about each other under the very noses of the people who had scorned at them. Jin was there when he had no one to notice him, Jin was there when he was tired and needed rest and Jin was there when he felt like another person's gentle touches could help.
It wasn't like he was departing to LA at all. Kazuya knew at that time that Jin was being stupid and their frequent calls to each other bound them where physical distance failed.
But this was different. Jin was ready to leave him out of his life from then on.
There was no other way of looking at it. Jin was taking actions to establish a life that cannot include Kazuya.
These thoughts rained onto him as he took an overdue shower, only interrupted when he heard someone locking the door.
"Have you forgotten to lock the door? Why didn't you even bother locking the door to your bathroom?"
It was Jin's voice, casually making himself at home by taking off his coat and hat and hanging them on the usual place, then placing his car and house keys besides the television like he always does.
Kazuya turned off the shower, grabbed his towel and tied it around his waist, roughly wiping his body and hair with another towel, walked out to meet Jin who was standing in front of the bathroom.
"You left so suddenly, everybody wondered if there was something wrong."
Kazuya shoved him aside to walk towards his kitchen and poured himself a glass of water.
Jin followed him.
"I told everyone that you were tired and desperately needed some sleep."
Kazuya looked up at him, nodded and gave a small "uhm", then lifted his glass for a drink.
From the corner of his eyes, Kazuya saw Jin, looking like he knew Kazuya's alleged thirst was nothing but an excuse. Usually his facial expressions were intense and sharp, directing his eyes in a single direction, not unlike those of a predator when he sees his prey. But today his face showed hesitation and anxiety, not unlike those times when he realized that he was being silly and was earnestly trying to make up to others.
"Hey, Kazu."
He dreaded Jin's next words.
"I"m sorry." There was no stumbling, no fumbling; only a straightforward, honest and firm apology.
Kazuya returned the favour. "I don't think that's what I would like to hear right now."
"I know." Jin replied in a breathy tone. Clearly it was something that he didn't mean for anyone to hear, but the awkward silence around them made it hard to do so.
"Then?" A final, deciding note that Kazuya was not in the mood to drag the conversation.
"I-I.."
"Who is she?" Kazuya finally asked.
"My mom set me up with her some time ago, it was the executive accountant I told you about."
"Noda-san?"
Jin gave a small nod, eyes relaxed, like he was inexplicably relieved, a look that ignited a strange burning desire within Kazuya to consume him right there and then.
He moved closer, inching nearer to Jin's face, challenging him further.
"I was expecting a half-Japanese blonde woman. What made you change?"
Jin was steadily accepting his challenge. "Because I need what I wanted."
Kazuya threw him a violent, needy glance, then grabbed his arm and pushed him down to the nearby couch. He didn't remembering stopping even to breathe for the next few moments as he hurriedly climbed on top of Jin, who was lying on his chest, unbuckle his belt and pulled his pants down to his thigh. Unceremoniously throwing away the towel which was barely holding to his waist, he entered him aggressively, frantically grinding against his ass despite Jin's pleading whimpers of agony.
It must had been very painful for Jin, but at that moment Kazuya didn't feel like caring.
He came very quickly, jerked himself out of Jin's body, hastily wore the nearest garments next to him and prepared to leave.
He came back in the morning to discover that Jin had left, and Kazuya subjected himself to yet another session of long, cold shower.
He slowly came to terms with the whole issue, gradually accepting that it was a celebration worth drinking their nights away instead of fucking Jin violently each and every time he felt like doing it.
But he couldn't stop. Sex with Jin had become an intoxicating cocaine that he knew fucks his everything up, but he couldn't help getting addicted to his vulnerable, broken self after taking it in.
The other members were blissfully unaware of the vicious circles of the ferociously vehement emotional rollercoaster that were taking place, but it didn't take long for them to notice that something was not right with Jin, who was showing increasingly conspicuous signs of repression, and Kazuya, who was rapidly bringing back his short-tempered self back to the surface.
Taguchi was uneasy, Koki tried hard to talk, Ueda sent Kazuya text messages, and Nakamaru dragged him to various dinners, hoping that he could dig something out. It also didn't take long for all of them to give up - even Yamapi and Ryo had dismissed the two of them as hopeless cases that no outsider could possibly interfere.
Neither Jin nor Kazuya was willing to speak about their troubles, even when Kazuya abusively pushed him against any standing surface and do painful things to him, and Kazuya wishing that Jin would just push him away, slap him to his senses instead of allowing himself to be dragged into that miserable method of torture.
Jin would always moan like a puppy that was kicked, grab anything nearby to contain the pain that he couldn't vocally express and struggle to make Kazuya look at him in the eyes - but he never objected. In fact, Jin never once swayed. He would always try to look at him, pay him his utmost attention and touch him gently, even if Kazuya's default reaction was to snap and push him away. No questions asked, no answers required.
Kazuya didn't know what was more heartbreaking between seeing Jin giving himself to his brutality and seeing Jin consistently trying to reach his heart again. The only thing he knew and understood was his own zealous refusal in letting Jin fade away from his life.
Even if he were to pay the price of his own sanity, so be it.
___
Jin had always thought that Kazuya behaves like a cat - immensely wary towards unfamiliarity but very caring and sensitive as he warmed to reach the common familiarity grounds.
The down side to that is that the harder it is to build a trust with these feline-like people, the harder it is to break them and the harder it hurts when the trust is broken.
Jin could see that Kazuya was deeply hurt. So deep, he probably didn't even realize why that was so.
For all the times that he forcefully fucked him, Jin could see that he was yearning for an explanation for the burning anguish that inflamed the very bottom of his heart.
For every strength he puts in his thrust, Jin could feel him conflicted between wanting to be liberated from all these and wanting to keep getting himself hurt just to remain in whatever they were in right now.
For every single time Kazuya pushed Jin away when he tried to touch him, Jin could tell how much he wished that he could be near him without feeling like ripping his existence off from his life.
Jin realized that what they had between them was not romance, not love, not mere affections one have for the person he treasured most. What they probably have between them was much deeper, much more destructive, and much, much harder to forsake. Every fibre of his bones hated seeing Kazuya like that, but he would pay.
What Kazuya needs, Jin would always try his best to fulfil. Whether it was tangible or not it was not a matter of concern
If that was the only way Kazuya decided to cope with Jin's betrayal, Jin would succumb.
He was the cause, he was the reason, and he wanted to be the solution.
Even his dumb self knew that it's a lost cause, but he didn't want to think anymore deeper. They shouldn't have to swim that far into the deep, bottomless ocean but they did, and it's time to face the consequences.
"Kazuya." He called softly.
Jin looked up to him, facing his almost-soulless eyes. When was the last time he truly smiled?
He was bigger, larger, taller and stronger, and he felt like using that to his benefit at that moment.
"Look at me."
Kazuya was still inside him, but he wasn't moving an inch.
Jin held his waist, rolled both of them to position Kazuya below him and pinned both his hands above his head.
Their eyes were locked in an intense battle of wills, daring the other to break the contact and speak up.
But Jin didn't say anything. He lowered his face to kiss him on the lips for the first time in months, his whole body trying to radiate comfort to the immensely tensed Kazuya.
To his surprise, Kazuya didn't object. He kissed him back, softly, gently, entwining their tongues, hands holding tightly to his back. It probably lasted far longer than any of their recent sexing to which Jin had almost forgotten how pleasant it was to be able to taste him with his lips, to feel the warmth of each other's affections and rewarding touches from Kazuya when he managed to relax the ever-driven him.
They broke apart, Jin trying hard not to burst into tears as Kazuya asked him in a choking voice.
"Why?"
Jin stroked his hair rhythmically.
"Why didn't you deny me?"
He brought their foreheads together.
"Because I want to hurt as much as you are."
"Silly."
"Then why did you try so hard to hurt yourself?"
Kazuya paused, didn't answer straight away. He rose up slightly and linked their lips back together, then their bodies as he began grinding against Jin. It was much slower, much more consistent, and much steadier than what they had been doing previously.
Until they both came together in a burst of liberated senses, then lied on the bed and consented wordlessly to touch each other, taking their time, tenderly studying each other's face.
"Maybe because I wanted to."
He finally answered Jin, squeezing his hand that he was holding.
"I probably wanted to hurt as much as possible and not heal from it."
"Silly." Jin's turn to call him that.
Kazuya smiled his most sincere in a long time, a single teardrop streamed downwards to the arch of his nose as dictated by gravity.
"Forgive me", Jin said as he settled his head on Kazuya's chest, hands snaked to wrap his waist.
Kazuya held him tightly. "Forgive me too."
They embraced, both awake and aware, for a long time until the sun rose.
"Be happy, Jin."
Jin looked at him, smiling.
"Don't you worry."
___
Kazuya had always thought of Jin as a puppy - bouncy, eager to please and reeks with the endless desire to give unwelcomed attention.
Such as paying him a sudden visit to his baseball training sanctuary after he finished the dance lesson.
"Hey, hey, Kazu-chan!" Jin was waving earnestly, smiling like he had all the energy in the world to spare and almost spilling the banana crepe that he was holding.
"Look what I got you?"
Kazuya didn't hate Jin, only very puzzled at his fascination onto him. Boys as good-looking as Jin probably treated him as a minion candidate to boost his own popularity anyway.
But Jin was genuine - or so Kazuya thought he was. Jin was probably the first person to have ever called him "cute" and he was also probably the first person who could barge into his personal baseball training session to talk about something completely unrelated to him.
Not that dance lessons were completely unrelated to Kazuya, at that moment he didn't feel like he could be connected to the idea of being trained to dance and sing. Why would he be bothered with dancing when he could have been training?
"You misshed the lesshon again." Jin was stuffing his mouth with the delicious crepe that he split to share with Kazuya.
"Finish your food," Kazuya chuckled at Jin, who was making himself messier by the bite.
Jin threw him a wide smile, borrowing his tissue - which Kazuya insisted was the only packet left in his bag but Jin took anyway - half-heartedly promising to return when they stop by a convenience store later.
Kazuya had gotten used to Jin coming to the field where he would be playing baseball and invite him to his house for a dinner with his family. Sometimes he might be trying his hands on the baseball bat if he felt like it, and sometimes he would make Kazuya play soccer with him.
He have had many friends, but Jin's perimeter of friendship didn't seem to stay within a confined area. By the sixth month mark of their friendship he admittedly began looking forward to see him calling out his name after he finished his dance lesson, bringing him a snack he bought on his way to see Kazuya and sending out impromptu invitations to anything - the festival, a movie, dinner with his family, watching his little brother practising for the upcoming school performance, or the weekend soccer match among local prefecture teams.
"Hey, hey, I heard from Yamashita-kun that they are holding an audition for a new drama, and some of us fresh juniors might get a chance!" Jin's voice probably exagerrated his excitement.
"Think you'll get it?" Kazuya, who found the banana crepe rather tasty, asked Jin while taking another bite.
"I don't know, but if they are auditioning, wouldn't you give a try, Kazu-chan?"
Kazuya didn't know what to think about dancing and singing, let alone acting. "Probably not. I don't even go to dance lessons."
Jin nudged him. "That's why you should have attended! We would look so good dancing together, don't you think?"
"What gave you that idea?" Kazuya said, taking the last bite of banana crepe hesitantly.
"I just know", Jin wiping his mouth hastily. "You're really cute, Kazu-chan, so you definitely have no problems with dancing."
"You're the one to talk," Kazuya took the piece of tissue from Jin's clumsy fingers and wiped the stain off his lips for him. "You're the one who's supposed to be cute and popular."
Jin jumped from his seat and took the bat that was lying on the grounds, imitating Kazuya's pitching movements.
"I always see you," Jin widened the gap between his legs, gripping both his hands on the bat tightly, "like this!" and swung the air before placing his right palm above his eyes, pretending to look towards a faraway place. He dropped the bat and settled himself back to beside Kazuya.
"So you're going to be great," Jin concluded.
Kazuya grinned, giving Jin's arm a light affectionate squeeze.
"You're something."
Maybe he should think about going to dance lessons after all.
On their way to Jin's house (Kazuya had called his mother saying that he would be having dinner at Jin's place and she didn't have to cook his portion) he gleefully jabbered away about the new steps he learned, about the sempai that was teaching them and lecturing one of the fresh juniors, about how he messed up a few steps and was desperately hoping that no one noticed, and how Kazuya missed a lot of fun.
Even if we are worn down, the bonds we made at that time and place would never disappear.
Suddenly Kazuya realized that Koshien might not be the only future for him.
___
A/N - Thanks for reading and have a nice day! (OMG this is so long)
Pairing: Kame/Jin, Jin/Kame
Type: NC17, Angst, One-shot
Warning: Not a very happy fic and .. is rather violent.
Wordcount: 5858
Summary: Kazuya and Jin could be collectively described as a star - when it burns too brightly, it might just be a sign of impending destruction.
Jin thought that being with Kazuya during those moments was like smelling the cup of hot coffee in the morning - fresh, stimulating, and always inspiring.
When they were fortunate enough to get two days off, Jin suggested that they go to Hokkaido for a drive, but Kazuya insisted that they head off to Okinawa. Jin thought that it was rather odd for Kazuya to insist on Okinawa considering that the Hokkaido food and weather were always Kazuya's favourite (he never explained why, much to Jin's puzzlement).
"I feel like going to the sea" was not good enough as an explanation, Jin tried to retort half-heartedly. He had no objections going to the sea; he just wanted to know if Kazuya's suggestion was actually a better idea than his.
Kazuya shrugged, as though deaf to Jin's repeated nudging and "Kazu-chan, tell me!", while his eyes stern and firm. Jin knew it was pointless to argue with him, even though he could tell that Kazuya would usually give in to his stubborn antiques - but not before they make heated exchanges that usually ended up with them marching away from each other and one of them calling the other some time after to make up and give in. Other than that, he just felt as though he wanted to obey him for that moment.
Like he did when Kazuya insisted on eating French during dinner the day before, or the time when Kazuya silently insisted on eating streetside ramen as opposed to Jin wanting to eat sushi a week ago, or the time when he pointed to the new Belgian chocolate in the convenience store near Jin's parent's house and Jin offering to buy him some. Usually Jin denies fervently whenever anybody commented on Kazuya's diva-like attitude, but there were moments when he couldn't help questioning his role in creating that reputation for him.
Nevertheless, going to the sea was unquestionably fun, even Jin couldn't bring himself to deny it.
"This is so beautiful!!!" he gushed his hearts out as they spread their limbs liberally against the roaring waves and recurring tides of the Okinawan beach.
He could hear Kazuya's tiny laughter of satisfaction. "Right? It's been some time since we came here."
"I feel like making more trips here, now that you put it this way."
"Don't be silly, we might not have time for that for a year at least." Kazuya stated as-a-matter-of-factly.
Jin sighed. "Ah, you're such a spoilsport. It's Gokusen we are filming, shouldn't we be more optimistic?"
"I wasn't being pessimistic, what are you talking about?" Kazuya turned his head to look at him, the exact moment that he turned to look at him too.
"But weren't you saying.."
"Not that way," he immediately answered, like he knew just what Jin was going to ask. "I just wanted to have something to look forward to after we make it."
"So you want to make Okinawa something you look forward to?"
Kazuya's eyes returned to the sky. "Since some time ago, actually."
Jin thought that Kazuya had always been peculiar about treating things that are precious to him - the current Okinawan sky and the ebbs and flows of the sea were no different. He was the type of people who doesn't like to have his desires within his grasp, and instead would go to ridiculous lengths to make sure it's distant enough to seem like he achieved it instead of "possessing" it from the get-go.
"What about the girl whom you were dating the other day?"
"Minami?"
"Whatever her name is. Her boobs aren't huge enough to have me remember her."
His answer was apparently funny; Kazuya's chuckle suggested that he, too, found Minami's assets rather inadequate in size.
"It was nothing but a date, Jin. I'll ditch any girl for this sea, honestly."
Jin was about to tease him a little bit more ("What kind of guy prefers working his ass off over scoring a girl?") but the darkening scarlet hues of the twilight sky caught his focus.
For the brief moment, none of them spoke.
His thoughts flashed to the twilight's counterpart, the dawn sky, as he contrasted the falling curtains of the day to the hopeful new beginning of daybreaks.
The colour that we saw, was a beautiful purple, wasn't it?
Jin's creative muses dashes out in the most random moments in his days.
Kazuya thought that dealing with Jin those days was like swimming in a shallow sea with fierce waves - unpredictable, sometimes thunderous, but unavoidable.
When they kissed for the first time, Jin's immediate reaction was to not react, leaving Kazuya questioning his own judgements. They were in Jin's house, both settling comfortably next to each other on the sofa, both lost themselves halfway in the high of the stolen booze stash (it was only a few months before Kazuya could legally drink), instinct overpowering logic.
"Was it.. I... Are you.." There were so many mixed emotions, Kazuya didn't know how to begin articulating his doubts. It was spontaneously natural, like their faces were pulled together by magnetic forces, like their hands were meant to touch each other that way.
Jin's eyes wavered for an instant, but they met his own pair soon after, requesting for him to erase everything he was thinking, pulled him closer to continue what they started.
It was delicate, gentle and unhurried. Clinging to each other, Kazuya let his instinct dictate the directions of his lips - Jin's lips, neck, ears, collarbones (strangely didn't earn him a sudden push) - and his feverish need for him drive the motions of his hands and fingers to run through his thick hair. His lips might be slowly exploring, but his fingers were hungrily seeking, and Jin knew it. Before long he could felt Jin's fingers rapidly entwined his own, stroking Kazuya's hands to calm him down, letting him know that he was allowed to take his time with him, completely giving him his all.
They were momentarily stopped by the buzzing vibration of Jin's phone, signaling (usually) an impromptu invitation from Yamapi to (most of the time) a party in someone's house (quite certainly someone rich and famous).
Jin was about to reach out to his phone when Kazuya held his wrists lightly. "Stay", he whispered, though it was so inaudible, he might had as well expected Jin to have some form of superpowered hearing ability.
He never knew how Jin does it, but he, in fact, could hear him. He always could, even when he made no sound.
Jin nodded, not bulging an inch. The untimely call effectively broke their kisses that night, but they were content with staring into each other's eyes and woke up in each other's arm the morning after and Kazuya frantically ran off without taking a shower due to an early audition for his next drama role, which he only knew to have something to do with him being a faux Mr Popularity.
Little did he knew - though he was grinning his teeths off the whole day - that he would have to wait for a few more years before he could experience the soft gentleness of Jin's everything, for he soon developed an invisible wall between him and Kazuya, only allowing him to reminisce what they had on that fateful night.
He would slam the door - sometimes car's - at Kazuya's face, grab his phone - script, food, whatever Kazuya was holding at that time - and threw it elsewhere, pretend he never existed, never mattered, that night never happened, and those years they spent together were merely a phase instead of a treasured memory.
Kazuya's only consolation was that Jin's targets were never him - always something, never someone. Never him.
He knew why that was. When Jin wanted to sulk, he would sulk. When he wanted to argue he would hold senseless debates. When he was not happy he would never bother denying it.
When he ceased to acknowledge a person, that was when he felt betrayed. He was heartbroken, and it saddened Kazuya deeply as he solemnly digested the fact that he had been the unwilling cause.
Kazuya would spent nights - many, many nights - wondering if it was better to have never accepted the offer to debut just slightly earlier (he might get into trouble, but he decided that no trouble was worth being treated as nothing more than a cardboard cutout), or to have never initiated that kiss. He thought it was a given thing, he thought it was for the better, he thought it would make both of them happier.
Jin didn't seem to like making him doubt less. There were times when he casually asked him for a dinner or two, completely ignoring any prior skirmish. They would be chatting about the day's works, complain about the lack of sleep and lack of good food available within walking distances around the dance studio, or maybe suggest ways to make Taguchi and Nakamaru's lives more hellish than they already were.
Nevertheless when the dinner's eaten and done and the next day comes around Jin would always revert to the Jin who doesn't know Kazuya, the Jin who hates Kazuya's guts, or just the Jin whom Kazuya never kissed.
Many years later he came to realize that whatever Jin did to show his disappointment in him during those moments were only a surface of the sea they were both helplessly drowning in.
Jin thought that sex with Kazuya was like walking across a cliff on a hanging bridge - if he tipped the balance of the bridge he will have to hold on tightly for his dear life, but if he steps forward carefully he would be having the best time of his life.
The most significant thing Jin remembered from the first time they did it was the pain that his body experienced.
It was rough, angst-ridden and unexpected. It was nasty, violent and indecisive. First there were shouting matches and then there were physical contacts and then their lips found each other and they ended up locking each other in those wet, needy kisses. Jin couldn't even remember the details of their aggressive exchange, except that it has something to do with him making a passing statement about Kazuya drifting away from him and Kazuya retaliated by saying how he was not in a good position either. But it somehow ended with them trying to tear each other's clothes in pieces by the time they stopped kissing to take a breather.
If Jin was any wiser he probably could have thought about pushing Kazuya away and tell him that they both need some time to chill. But his instincts got the better of him.
Instead of backing away, he pulled Kazuya back roughly, slowly travelling down to unzip his pants, then making a move to slowly consume his everything. If he could find words to describe his own feeling at that particular moment it would be "hungry". He was inexplicably starved for something that his illogical mind kept insisting that whatever he was planning to do at that time could magically fill him up right there and then.
His vision blurred soon after. His body succeeded where his eyes failed at archiving the imprints of that night's happenings, what's with being pushed against the wall, struggling to get Kazuya out of his body and dominate him. His lips never left Kazuya, there was something about him that he's taking in with him - his lips, ears, neck, body, nipple, back, hair. Many things were broken and messed up - a glass of water, the pile of magazines next to his computer, chairs, the alarm clock he placed next to his bed. It was a mistake he wished he could retract but a moment he remembered forever.
It wasn't over until they both lost every ounce of their energy, lying beside each other and looking up at the ceiling.
Jin woke up late that day, wondering where Kazuya went (he must have left when Jin fell asleep), got an earful from their manager and saw Kazuya in the same studio. He was visibly exhausted, but was also happily laughing at the staff who had just seen him doing an imitation of a renowned newscaster.
It wasn't until Koki pointed out that Kazuya was wearing a shirt which Jin wore two days ago that Jin made a mental note to check his closet when he gets home later.
He would be making a life-altering decision a few months after that night, and he wouldn't be anymore closer to him than phonecalls that were filled with ridiculously awkward pauses but he would always remind himself of the tumultuous mix of emotions that led him through that night. It would be years before they attempted to do it again, but he knew that he wanted to. All the time.
Even as he was humping a mind-blowingly hot girl with the nicest ass he had ever seen, his thoughts and body would always remember Kazuya who had violently pushed him against his table and him trying to fight against the sudden outburst of physical energy. He promised himself to never blindly experiment with sex after that.
They did it again after he returned to Japan; in fact they do it regularly after that.
Sometimes it would be fast and hasty, sometimes slow and unrestricting, sometimes obligatory and uneventful - but always meaningful. They usually do it to compensate for the time lost in between solo projects, Jin making up for being a brat and almost had a revenge sex with a foreign girl he met in a bar when he went out for a drink with Yamapi or Kazuya making up for going on a date with an older woman (and kissing her in a hotel room, but Jin didn't know if it went beyond that).
Tonight was one of those slower times. It took place in Kazuya's room and it started with Kazuya falling onto him, whispering that he's tired. They were sorting out Kazuya's pile of various notes he made to himself and the various email requests that were printed for his convenience and Jin unwillingly helped while complaining how he should have gone to sleep and not stay up worrying about a random pile of papers.
He vaguely remembered dragging him to his bed when he finally gave up and tilted his head on Jin's chest, and then Kazuya pulled Jin for a kiss out of the blue and next thing he knew was the way they went about it rather speechlessly that night. None of them spoke much, only occasional pants and heavy breathings. Jin silently insisted that he takes the lead this time, Kazuya nodded, and both only stopped when they came at the same time, deeply drowned in each other's embraces. Kazuya fell asleep almost soon after on top of Jin's chest, holding his hands to his own chest, putting a small smile to Jin's face.
There were many things that Jin likes about Kazuya, though he had to admit that he looks the most adorable as he hold Jin to sleep. He swept his long bangs aside and trace his finger around his face, wondering if things would change when he finally tell him that.
That thing he had been thinking about. A lot.
His relationship with Kazuya had been so much improved from their insecure teenage years to the safe realms of adulthood mirroring their ages. It was raw and aggressive back then as they were unsure of what to make out of their seemingly extraordinary affections for each other; which they later transformed into mutual understanding, endless support and unconditional sacrifice. They slowly understood what they meant to each other - Jin could almost always tell that Kazuya was saying "I don't care what people say, I'm the happiest with you" as he looked at him, holding his fingers tightly, in which he returned by simple gestures that said "thank you for being with me" over and over again.
Things never changed between them - they were best together, they felt the best together and they want to be best together.
Jin knew, since some few years back, that it's time for a new phase in his life.
He was pretty sure that things would never be the same after this. They were young and they made a gradual but painful transition towards adulthood, this one would be no different.
Jin had been contemplating his next moves for years. He hadn't been sure that he wanted to let go of the soothing touches of the man sleeping on top of him, but he realized that he might have been a little too late in preventing him from getting hurt anyway.
He spent the rest of the night hugging him tightly, waiting for the moment he knew that it's time to let him go, which sadly, never came.
Kazuya always thought that he and Jin could be collectively described as a star - when it burns too brightly, it might just be a sign of impending destruction.
It might have taken a longer duration this time around, but he couldn't help being pessimistic about Jin. The alarm went off the last time he thought he had it secured, and the alarm went off the second time, again when he thought he had it secured.
The least that Jin did was to have informed him firsthand, but it didn't make it any easier for him to accept.
He didn't even bother rehearsing his answers that he prepared for various interviews in the event moments like these should occur anytime soon (Ueda had been sending telltale signs very often lately); most of the time he wished he could just float out of everything and do nothing about it.
"Of course I'm very happy for him. He's been talking about having kids forever ever since I saw him playing with my niece right after she was born. It's great timing, great opportunity, and I believe that he will be happy forever." Smile. Look at the camera. Smile again. Wave. Give him congratulatory pats.
He felt like there was a metaphorical knife that was slicing a piece out of his heart for each and every time he was made to say that, and he predicted that before long he would be left with nothing and his body would be but a breathing zombie, a barely existing imprint of his past self.
He would be lying to himself if he insisted that he never saw it coming.
He would be lying to himself if he insisted that he believed that they would be forever.
He would be lying to himself if he pretends to be fine about that.
No matter how hard he thought about it, the fact remained that Jin's marriage announcement really shouldn't have affected him this way.
These were one of those times when he wondered if he had screwed up his own life by avoiding attachments towards anything that was not his work. Being with Jin allowed him to let his guard down while experiencing the thrill of discovering more about each other under the very noses of the people who had scorned at them. Jin was there when he had no one to notice him, Jin was there when he was tired and needed rest and Jin was there when he felt like another person's gentle touches could help.
It wasn't like he was departing to LA at all. Kazuya knew at that time that Jin was being stupid and their frequent calls to each other bound them where physical distance failed.
But this was different. Jin was ready to leave him out of his life from then on.
There was no other way of looking at it. Jin was taking actions to establish a life that cannot include Kazuya.
These thoughts rained onto him as he took an overdue shower, only interrupted when he heard someone locking the door.
"Have you forgotten to lock the door? Why didn't you even bother locking the door to your bathroom?"
It was Jin's voice, casually making himself at home by taking off his coat and hat and hanging them on the usual place, then placing his car and house keys besides the television like he always does.
Kazuya turned off the shower, grabbed his towel and tied it around his waist, roughly wiping his body and hair with another towel, walked out to meet Jin who was standing in front of the bathroom.
"You left so suddenly, everybody wondered if there was something wrong."
Kazuya shoved him aside to walk towards his kitchen and poured himself a glass of water.
Jin followed him.
"I told everyone that you were tired and desperately needed some sleep."
Kazuya looked up at him, nodded and gave a small "uhm", then lifted his glass for a drink.
From the corner of his eyes, Kazuya saw Jin, looking like he knew Kazuya's alleged thirst was nothing but an excuse. Usually his facial expressions were intense and sharp, directing his eyes in a single direction, not unlike those of a predator when he sees his prey. But today his face showed hesitation and anxiety, not unlike those times when he realized that he was being silly and was earnestly trying to make up to others.
"Hey, Kazu."
He dreaded Jin's next words.
"I"m sorry." There was no stumbling, no fumbling; only a straightforward, honest and firm apology.
Kazuya returned the favour. "I don't think that's what I would like to hear right now."
"I know." Jin replied in a breathy tone. Clearly it was something that he didn't mean for anyone to hear, but the awkward silence around them made it hard to do so.
"Then?" A final, deciding note that Kazuya was not in the mood to drag the conversation.
"I-I.."
"Who is she?" Kazuya finally asked.
"My mom set me up with her some time ago, it was the executive accountant I told you about."
"Noda-san?"
Jin gave a small nod, eyes relaxed, like he was inexplicably relieved, a look that ignited a strange burning desire within Kazuya to consume him right there and then.
He moved closer, inching nearer to Jin's face, challenging him further.
"I was expecting a half-Japanese blonde woman. What made you change?"
Jin was steadily accepting his challenge. "Because I need what I wanted."
Kazuya threw him a violent, needy glance, then grabbed his arm and pushed him down to the nearby couch. He didn't remembering stopping even to breathe for the next few moments as he hurriedly climbed on top of Jin, who was lying on his chest, unbuckle his belt and pulled his pants down to his thigh. Unceremoniously throwing away the towel which was barely holding to his waist, he entered him aggressively, frantically grinding against his ass despite Jin's pleading whimpers of agony.
It must had been very painful for Jin, but at that moment Kazuya didn't feel like caring.
He came very quickly, jerked himself out of Jin's body, hastily wore the nearest garments next to him and prepared to leave.
He came back in the morning to discover that Jin had left, and Kazuya subjected himself to yet another session of long, cold shower.
He slowly came to terms with the whole issue, gradually accepting that it was a celebration worth drinking their nights away instead of fucking Jin violently each and every time he felt like doing it.
But he couldn't stop. Sex with Jin had become an intoxicating cocaine that he knew fucks his everything up, but he couldn't help getting addicted to his vulnerable, broken self after taking it in.
The other members were blissfully unaware of the vicious circles of the ferociously vehement emotional rollercoaster that were taking place, but it didn't take long for them to notice that something was not right with Jin, who was showing increasingly conspicuous signs of repression, and Kazuya, who was rapidly bringing back his short-tempered self back to the surface.
Taguchi was uneasy, Koki tried hard to talk, Ueda sent Kazuya text messages, and Nakamaru dragged him to various dinners, hoping that he could dig something out. It also didn't take long for all of them to give up - even Yamapi and Ryo had dismissed the two of them as hopeless cases that no outsider could possibly interfere.
Neither Jin nor Kazuya was willing to speak about their troubles, even when Kazuya abusively pushed him against any standing surface and do painful things to him, and Kazuya wishing that Jin would just push him away, slap him to his senses instead of allowing himself to be dragged into that miserable method of torture.
Jin would always moan like a puppy that was kicked, grab anything nearby to contain the pain that he couldn't vocally express and struggle to make Kazuya look at him in the eyes - but he never objected. In fact, Jin never once swayed. He would always try to look at him, pay him his utmost attention and touch him gently, even if Kazuya's default reaction was to snap and push him away. No questions asked, no answers required.
Kazuya didn't know what was more heartbreaking between seeing Jin giving himself to his brutality and seeing Jin consistently trying to reach his heart again. The only thing he knew and understood was his own zealous refusal in letting Jin fade away from his life.
Even if he were to pay the price of his own sanity, so be it.
Jin had always thought that Kazuya behaves like a cat - immensely wary towards unfamiliarity but very caring and sensitive as he warmed to reach the common familiarity grounds.
The down side to that is that the harder it is to build a trust with these feline-like people, the harder it is to break them and the harder it hurts when the trust is broken.
Jin could see that Kazuya was deeply hurt. So deep, he probably didn't even realize why that was so.
For all the times that he forcefully fucked him, Jin could see that he was yearning for an explanation for the burning anguish that inflamed the very bottom of his heart.
For every strength he puts in his thrust, Jin could feel him conflicted between wanting to be liberated from all these and wanting to keep getting himself hurt just to remain in whatever they were in right now.
For every single time Kazuya pushed Jin away when he tried to touch him, Jin could tell how much he wished that he could be near him without feeling like ripping his existence off from his life.
Jin realized that what they had between them was not romance, not love, not mere affections one have for the person he treasured most. What they probably have between them was much deeper, much more destructive, and much, much harder to forsake. Every fibre of his bones hated seeing Kazuya like that, but he would pay.
What Kazuya needs, Jin would always try his best to fulfil. Whether it was tangible or not it was not a matter of concern
If that was the only way Kazuya decided to cope with Jin's betrayal, Jin would succumb.
He was the cause, he was the reason, and he wanted to be the solution.
Even his dumb self knew that it's a lost cause, but he didn't want to think anymore deeper. They shouldn't have to swim that far into the deep, bottomless ocean but they did, and it's time to face the consequences.
"Kazuya." He called softly.
Jin looked up to him, facing his almost-soulless eyes. When was the last time he truly smiled?
He was bigger, larger, taller and stronger, and he felt like using that to his benefit at that moment.
"Look at me."
Kazuya was still inside him, but he wasn't moving an inch.
Jin held his waist, rolled both of them to position Kazuya below him and pinned both his hands above his head.
Their eyes were locked in an intense battle of wills, daring the other to break the contact and speak up.
But Jin didn't say anything. He lowered his face to kiss him on the lips for the first time in months, his whole body trying to radiate comfort to the immensely tensed Kazuya.
To his surprise, Kazuya didn't object. He kissed him back, softly, gently, entwining their tongues, hands holding tightly to his back. It probably lasted far longer than any of their recent sexing to which Jin had almost forgotten how pleasant it was to be able to taste him with his lips, to feel the warmth of each other's affections and rewarding touches from Kazuya when he managed to relax the ever-driven him.
They broke apart, Jin trying hard not to burst into tears as Kazuya asked him in a choking voice.
"Why?"
Jin stroked his hair rhythmically.
"Why didn't you deny me?"
He brought their foreheads together.
"Because I want to hurt as much as you are."
"Silly."
"Then why did you try so hard to hurt yourself?"
Kazuya paused, didn't answer straight away. He rose up slightly and linked their lips back together, then their bodies as he began grinding against Jin. It was much slower, much more consistent, and much steadier than what they had been doing previously.
Until they both came together in a burst of liberated senses, then lied on the bed and consented wordlessly to touch each other, taking their time, tenderly studying each other's face.
"Maybe because I wanted to."
He finally answered Jin, squeezing his hand that he was holding.
"I probably wanted to hurt as much as possible and not heal from it."
"Silly." Jin's turn to call him that.
Kazuya smiled his most sincere in a long time, a single teardrop streamed downwards to the arch of his nose as dictated by gravity.
"Forgive me", Jin said as he settled his head on Kazuya's chest, hands snaked to wrap his waist.
Kazuya held him tightly. "Forgive me too."
They embraced, both awake and aware, for a long time until the sun rose.
"Be happy, Jin."
Jin looked at him, smiling.
"Don't you worry."
Kazuya had always thought of Jin as a puppy - bouncy, eager to please and reeks with the endless desire to give unwelcomed attention.
Such as paying him a sudden visit to his baseball training sanctuary after he finished the dance lesson.
"Hey, hey, Kazu-chan!" Jin was waving earnestly, smiling like he had all the energy in the world to spare and almost spilling the banana crepe that he was holding.
"Look what I got you?"
Kazuya didn't hate Jin, only very puzzled at his fascination onto him. Boys as good-looking as Jin probably treated him as a minion candidate to boost his own popularity anyway.
But Jin was genuine - or so Kazuya thought he was. Jin was probably the first person to have ever called him "cute" and he was also probably the first person who could barge into his personal baseball training session to talk about something completely unrelated to him.
Not that dance lessons were completely unrelated to Kazuya, at that moment he didn't feel like he could be connected to the idea of being trained to dance and sing. Why would he be bothered with dancing when he could have been training?
"You misshed the lesshon again." Jin was stuffing his mouth with the delicious crepe that he split to share with Kazuya.
"Finish your food," Kazuya chuckled at Jin, who was making himself messier by the bite.
Jin threw him a wide smile, borrowing his tissue - which Kazuya insisted was the only packet left in his bag but Jin took anyway - half-heartedly promising to return when they stop by a convenience store later.
Kazuya had gotten used to Jin coming to the field where he would be playing baseball and invite him to his house for a dinner with his family. Sometimes he might be trying his hands on the baseball bat if he felt like it, and sometimes he would make Kazuya play soccer with him.
He have had many friends, but Jin's perimeter of friendship didn't seem to stay within a confined area. By the sixth month mark of their friendship he admittedly began looking forward to see him calling out his name after he finished his dance lesson, bringing him a snack he bought on his way to see Kazuya and sending out impromptu invitations to anything - the festival, a movie, dinner with his family, watching his little brother practising for the upcoming school performance, or the weekend soccer match among local prefecture teams.
"Hey, hey, I heard from Yamashita-kun that they are holding an audition for a new drama, and some of us fresh juniors might get a chance!" Jin's voice probably exagerrated his excitement.
"Think you'll get it?" Kazuya, who found the banana crepe rather tasty, asked Jin while taking another bite.
"I don't know, but if they are auditioning, wouldn't you give a try, Kazu-chan?"
Kazuya didn't know what to think about dancing and singing, let alone acting. "Probably not. I don't even go to dance lessons."
Jin nudged him. "That's why you should have attended! We would look so good dancing together, don't you think?"
"What gave you that idea?" Kazuya said, taking the last bite of banana crepe hesitantly.
"I just know", Jin wiping his mouth hastily. "You're really cute, Kazu-chan, so you definitely have no problems with dancing."
"You're the one to talk," Kazuya took the piece of tissue from Jin's clumsy fingers and wiped the stain off his lips for him. "You're the one who's supposed to be cute and popular."
Jin jumped from his seat and took the bat that was lying on the grounds, imitating Kazuya's pitching movements.
"I always see you," Jin widened the gap between his legs, gripping both his hands on the bat tightly, "like this!" and swung the air before placing his right palm above his eyes, pretending to look towards a faraway place. He dropped the bat and settled himself back to beside Kazuya.
"So you're going to be great," Jin concluded.
Kazuya grinned, giving Jin's arm a light affectionate squeeze.
"You're something."
Maybe he should think about going to dance lessons after all.
On their way to Jin's house (Kazuya had called his mother saying that he would be having dinner at Jin's place and she didn't have to cook his portion) he gleefully jabbered away about the new steps he learned, about the sempai that was teaching them and lecturing one of the fresh juniors, about how he messed up a few steps and was desperately hoping that no one noticed, and how Kazuya missed a lot of fun.
Even if we are worn down, the bonds we made at that time and place would never disappear.
Suddenly Kazuya realized that Koshien might not be the only future for him.
A/N - Thanks for reading and have a nice day! (OMG this is so long)
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so mixed feeling at thebegining!!<33
i love it so much!!
akame is love<333
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I fuckin love this version of Kame,I seriously do.And all those raw emotions,you did such a perfect job in describing them in the best way you could. I mean seriously,I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. I missed reading that type of Akame and I'm so glad I decided to read this.
Everything was mind-blowing and I mean everything.From the beginning to the end,I was on the edge,wanting to keep reading like mad.There are so many scenes and phrases I liked that I can't quote them,unfortunately. But really,I'm so happy I read this. It was amazingly wonderful.Thanks <3
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I was pretty apprehensive about "this version" because I can't wrap my mind around the idea of him being a wimpy, soft-hearted and crybaby kind of person. You'll think that he's really friendly and outgoing but he aslkjhgfd has no friends and finds solace in working. It's hard to relate with a person like that when usual people either reside on the outgoing spectrum or the anti-social person. But Kame is like both, unlike Jin, he doesn't seem to have anyone whom he could name as his bff forever.
Thanks for the compliments again, I'm glad you ended up reading this! (even if I replied with a mini-ramble)
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and the plot just great,,
"Whatever her name is. Her boobs aren't huge enough to have me remember her." <---LOL at this one,,
and love akame`s love here,,*surely their bond so deeeeppp and unbreakable*
thx for this cool fic ^0^
*hearts*
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I started crying so badly... My God... You really broke my heart with this fiction. It was amazin, I have no more words... Really... Thank you for it... Thank you...
P.S.: I hope Kame's real words will be these: "Be happy WITH ME, Jin!"
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even though the ending is nice, it's so sad in the middle (I think the ending is bittersweet too...)
Great fic. Amazing writing skills and I need something to cheer me up now ;___; but I want to read it again.
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Title: Sleep
Prompt: Jin watches Kame sleep
Wordcount: 186
You stare intently at him.
He is looking like he's sleeping peacefully, but you could tell that he really isn't. He took that familiar sleeping position that you know he usually takes when he's not ready to fall into deep sleep.
You remember how animated he was just a few minutes ago, talking happily to the staff excusing himself for a brief rest, thinking to yourself that he must have been fucking exhausted out of his skulls, at the same time wondering how he never seem to need those IV drips that frequently make their appearances in your busiest moments.
You bend down, sitting on the floor beside that couch that he is slumping on, meeting his closed eyes. You position your fingers on his cheeks, tracing his cheekbones, appreciating his beauty like you always do.
You smile when he stir, promising yourself to delay the production a little just so that he could sleep a little longer, perhaps maybe offering to drive him home later.
It has been so many years, so long ago, but looking at him always make you smile, sleeping or not.
___
Some random drabble I have down somewhere, just never got around to post it. We Akame fans are probably the biggest masochists in the universe.
[Fic] Acquiescence
Re: [Fic] Acquiescence
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Thanks for reading!
[Fic] Acquiescence
Re: [Fic] Acquiescence
Thanks for commenting, dear! *hugzzz*
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I love it..
really..
Love that in the end it went back to their junior phase..
thx for sharing~
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Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it (though it was rather sad ;__;)
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thank you so much for sharing
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thanks for this ne... =)
good job!
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Thanks, it's really a high praise!
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the constant push and pull between kame and jin is hard to miss here...
and kame is such a bully towards jin...
and jin is repressed.
its 4 am...and once i started reading..i just couldnt stop...but i feel so incoherent right now...after reading and it being late...sorry that i cant leave a better comment...cuz you deserve it!
your writing style, storyline, and description of kame and jin...loved it all =)
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Jin is the cause of all of Kame's joys and misery.
Only sometimes I don't like to give Jin so much credit. Lol. My conflicted feelings about them.
Jin realized that what they had between them was not romance, not love, not mere affections one have for the person he treasured most. What they probably have between them was much deeper, much more destructive, and much, much harder to forsake
I love this line.
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I think they were both their biggest joys and miseries. In a way they belong together and yet they tragically belong together sorta thing. Ah, Akame. They eff-ed up my views on relationship.
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You write them in a soooo natural way that they are alive and they could even possibly be like that in real life. I mean, I don't know exactly how to explain, I'm sorry. I suck at explaining this kind of things :(
But all the emotions, the way you described them, the fact that not everything is rational (Jin's decisions in this case) and the fact that Kame is weak but not in the cliché-type of weak. I don't really know how to explain, sorry.
Just know that I loved it!
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This story is so beautiful and Jin here is my pure love))) thank you very mch fir sharing and giving a beautiful emotions))))
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Usually Jin denies fervently whenever anybody commented on Kazuya's diva-like attitude, but there were moments when he couldn't help questioning his role in creating that reputation for him.
♥ Diva-Kame
Before long he could felt Jin's fingers rapidly entwined his own, stroking Kazuya's hands to calm him down, letting him know that he was allowed to take his time with him, completely giving him his all.
;;_________; This was so sdfghjk ♥♥♥
He spent the rest of the night hugging him tightly, waiting for the moment he knew that it's time to let him go, which sadly, never came.
;;---------; ...Why do you insist on making me teary.
Jin would always moan like a puppy that was kicked, grab anything nearby to contain the pain that he couldn't vocally express and struggle to make Kazuya look at him in the eyes - but he never objected. In fact, Jin never once swayed. He would always try to look at him, pay him his utmost attention and touch him gently, even if Kazuya's default reaction was to snap and push him away. No questions asked, no answers required.
Puppy!Jin ;;A; Forever and ever. And oh god those two asjgksh why do you always have to hurt so much. It's so sad.
Kazuya had always thought of Jin as a puppy - bouncy, eager to please and reeks with the endless desire to give unwelcomed attention.
*bawling* Hnnnngh whyyy. Whyy. Fffnn.
Loved it. Still kinda wordless. I obviously can't really say anything so I'll just run away now leaving just this crappy comment but I loved it and all. So. *squishes*
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THANK YOU SO MUCH, ILU